It's almost 12 months since I found my family, now and things are all going very well.
I found them in time to surprise Dad with a visit to his 80th Birthday celebration.
I found them in time for Mum and Dad to visit us here in Queensland, and we had a great time checking out the local attractions and Dad assisted with some of our home renovations.
I found them in time for Mum to feel whole again, and for the emptiness of never belonging to be filled in my soul.
Yep for us it has been a very successful reunion too long coming and we are loving it.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Found My Family
I have always known I was adopted. A good family; a Builder and a School Teacher adopted me. I had a good childhood, plenty of opportunities, lots of highs and lows; I was one of the lucky ones.
Why then did I feel something was missing? Why was I so angry and isolated? Why did I feel always inferior and as though I didn’t belong, anywhere?
Over the years I had made some enquiries, had obtained my birth mothers birth certificate, but never taken it any further, partly out of respect for my adoptive parents, but also because of the risk of further rejection.
Well, here in Australia, we have a TV show call Find My Family. Parents and children who have been separated by adoption and out of touch with each other, are reunited by the researchers of the TV show. ( They are apparently inundated by requests from people wanting their help) And my beautiful wife insisted on watching this show. I would receive subtle hints, Maybe you should find your Mum and Dad? Etc.
The encouragement and security of the pure love of a beautiful woman is a wonderful thing. And in the security of her love I found the courage to confront the fears, and consider looking further.
I am not a fan of TV and had no desire to display my life in such a vulnerable arena, but a good mate of mine (and fellow sailor) mentioned that the Salvation Army have a similar, confidential service. Well a nod of my head was all it took for the beautiful Lady Toni to be lost in Internet research, and what an amazing feast of information we were able to supply to the Salvos Family Matching Service.
We were told the search may take up to 6 months, but one week later I received a phone call that turned my day and emotions upside down, my Mum wanted to have contact with me and she had married my Dad. (Even now tears well up as I write this)
We spoke on the phone, we emailed each other and a few short weeks later we visited and spent Boxing Day to January 3rd 2009 getting to know each other and my 5 younger brothers and sisters. See I am now 57 years old, I’ve seen plenty of life, I thought I was OK, but there was a hole which has now been filled.
Thankfully, I was well accepted by my brothers and sisters, and we are all enjoying getting to know each other. Mum says she now feels complete, as do I. One of my brothers daughters, for the first time can see how her Dad fits in the family, now that she has met me.
Yep I am one of the lucky ones. Others reunions are not so welcome or happy. I am very grateful and happy, and we will be spending the Easter break together also.
In Australia we have been rightfully apologizing to the stolen generation of the aboriginal people. A generation, who, by government decree, were taken from their families and raised by strangers, new settlers in the land who had guns and less scruples.
But as a civilized society, can we continue to say it is OK to remove babies from struggling families and adopt them to someone else, rather than supporting the family to stay together? As a person who the government laws allowed me to be removed from my natural family, and to raise huge barriers to make it very difficult to find the way back, and to profit from the process through fees for information and certificates, I wonder, is it not time that this injustice was not addressed.
I was chatting with Mum one afternoon late 2008, and asked what would she change about her past. Without hesitation she said, That one decision. If only she had received the right kind of non judgmental support at that time, how different our lives could have been. Well that can’t be changed. But the future can.
When we were fostering children in Alice Springs, we were the first foster parents to work also with the families of the children we were fostering. It is a matter of great satisfaction to me that we were able to reunite some of those families permanently.
Find My Family is inundated with requests from estranged family members. Yet we continue to perpetuate this practice. When will it stop?
Why then did I feel something was missing? Why was I so angry and isolated? Why did I feel always inferior and as though I didn’t belong, anywhere?
Over the years I had made some enquiries, had obtained my birth mothers birth certificate, but never taken it any further, partly out of respect for my adoptive parents, but also because of the risk of further rejection.
Well, here in Australia, we have a TV show call Find My Family. Parents and children who have been separated by adoption and out of touch with each other, are reunited by the researchers of the TV show. ( They are apparently inundated by requests from people wanting their help) And my beautiful wife insisted on watching this show. I would receive subtle hints, Maybe you should find your Mum and Dad? Etc.
The encouragement and security of the pure love of a beautiful woman is a wonderful thing. And in the security of her love I found the courage to confront the fears, and consider looking further.
I am not a fan of TV and had no desire to display my life in such a vulnerable arena, but a good mate of mine (and fellow sailor) mentioned that the Salvation Army have a similar, confidential service. Well a nod of my head was all it took for the beautiful Lady Toni to be lost in Internet research, and what an amazing feast of information we were able to supply to the Salvos Family Matching Service.
We were told the search may take up to 6 months, but one week later I received a phone call that turned my day and emotions upside down, my Mum wanted to have contact with me and she had married my Dad. (Even now tears well up as I write this)
We spoke on the phone, we emailed each other and a few short weeks later we visited and spent Boxing Day to January 3rd 2009 getting to know each other and my 5 younger brothers and sisters. See I am now 57 years old, I’ve seen plenty of life, I thought I was OK, but there was a hole which has now been filled.
Thankfully, I was well accepted by my brothers and sisters, and we are all enjoying getting to know each other. Mum says she now feels complete, as do I. One of my brothers daughters, for the first time can see how her Dad fits in the family, now that she has met me.
Yep I am one of the lucky ones. Others reunions are not so welcome or happy. I am very grateful and happy, and we will be spending the Easter break together also.
In Australia we have been rightfully apologizing to the stolen generation of the aboriginal people. A generation, who, by government decree, were taken from their families and raised by strangers, new settlers in the land who had guns and less scruples.
But as a civilized society, can we continue to say it is OK to remove babies from struggling families and adopt them to someone else, rather than supporting the family to stay together? As a person who the government laws allowed me to be removed from my natural family, and to raise huge barriers to make it very difficult to find the way back, and to profit from the process through fees for information and certificates, I wonder, is it not time that this injustice was not addressed.
I was chatting with Mum one afternoon late 2008, and asked what would she change about her past. Without hesitation she said, That one decision. If only she had received the right kind of non judgmental support at that time, how different our lives could have been. Well that can’t be changed. But the future can.
When we were fostering children in Alice Springs, we were the first foster parents to work also with the families of the children we were fostering. It is a matter of great satisfaction to me that we were able to reunite some of those families permanently.
Find My Family is inundated with requests from estranged family members. Yet we continue to perpetuate this practice. When will it stop?
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